Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Today is my Birthday

Today is my birthday!  I thought last year's birthday would be my best birthday ever!  One year ago today, I was 7 weeks pregnant & I had my very first ultrasound at my RE's office.  I was terrified and excited.  My husband got to come with me.  I remember that our appointment was in the morning because we had a birthday/celebration lunch afterwards.  It was a glorious day!  I got to hear that beautiful sound that I longed to hear for such a long baby's heartbeat!  I was overwhelmed with joy, but also still nagged by fear.  Here is the picture of the tiny dot that brought me so much joy a year ago.

Just a tiny little dot that the arrow is pointing to.  So much hope from a tiny little dot.  With a lot of prayer and a roller coaster of emotions, that tiny dot grew into the sweet girl that I obsess over everyday.  I thought last year was my best birthday ever.  I even told my husband that nothing could top it!  I was wrong!  This year I feel just as much joy, if not more.  This year I have this present to love on!
This is the best birthday ever!  I get to spend it with the best little girl in the world.  She is the most important person in my life.  I just can't get enough of her!  What a difference a year can make!  My baby went from a tiny heart beating dot to the big ball of laughs that she is now.  I am so thankful!

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Where is the time going?

Sweet Charlotte is now over 4 months old!  She is growing so quickly.  We went for her four month check up yesterday.  Baby girl is now 14 pounds and 11 ounces and 24.75 inches long.  Where did my tiny little baby go?  Time is going by so quickly! 

Tomorrow will  mark one year ago that we finally got the BFP we'd been praying and not so patiently waiting for!  What a difference a year can make!  I felt so much excitement and fear.  I prayed and prayed that this baby would make it, and she did!  I am so thankful for my rainbow baby.  I will never understand why some babies don't make it.  I can just be thankful for what I now have and continue to miss what I've lost.  I still miss baby Tyler very much. 

I am having a bit of anxiety about returning to work.  Charlotte's first day with our babysitter is this Monday.  She will go 2-3 times a week until August.  I am just going to miss her so very much.  My heart is broken and torn.   I keep telling myself that I need to be thankful for all of the time that I've had with her.  Many people don't get that much time off.  However, I am also excited about the upcoming school year.  I really LOVE teaching, and I have missed that also.  It's so hard, but everything will be fine.  I am sure as time goes on it will get easier to leave her.  I know she will be very well taken care of.  That is not a worry for me.  I am just going to miss her.  I am also thankful to have a job that will allow me to have more time with her than many other occupations.  I will have weekends, holidays, and summers.  My heart is just so torn.

I continue to be in a good place.  Charlotte brings so much more to my life than I've ever imagined.  Every little thing she does amazes me and entertains me!  Her little cheeks are quite full now, and I just can't kiss them enough!