Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Does He Want it as Much as I Do?

Does he want it as much as I do? This is a question that I've asked myself many times. Sometimes it seems as if I am the only one who suffers the disappointment and frustration. Sometimes I feel like maybe it wouldn't matter to him if we had a family or not. I discovered something this weekend that opened my eyes to help me see a little from his perspective.

First, let me give a little background information. A few years ago for Christmas, a very good friend of mine from high school gave us a white board to put on our refrigerator to write one another notes and such. When we recieved this gift, he also asked us to write a dream we had for the upcoming year. Something personal that would be right there as a hidden reminder of hope. This was before we were married, so the hubby and I wrote "a happy beginning to our marriage". I had all but forgotten about writing on the back of that board. I don't believe I've looked at it since. This weekend while I was cleaning I moved the board to clean the fridge, and this is what I saw:

That's when I realized...he wants it just as much as I do. He truly does. I just think that he doesn't show his disappointment or frustration because he doesn't want to add any more pressure or anxiety to what I am already feeling. He doesn't show what he's feeling because he still sees how heartbroken and defeated I feel. He doesn't feel the physical pain and defeat I feel when AF arrives.

So, to answer the question I have asked myself a million times....YES, he does want it just as much as I do. He just doesn't show it in the same way. I love this man more than words can express. I am so thankful to have him in my life, especailly with all the trials we've been through. I just love him more today than I did the day we married two years ago, and I never thought that to be possible.