Whew! Well, this is it! My spring break is officially over. Tomorrow morning I will have to wake up early and return to work, and I CAN'T WAIT! I really missed my students and I can't wait to be greeted by 21 sleepy faces tomorrow morning. It will take them a few days to get used to waking up early(just like me). I had a nice break. It started out difficult, but it got better. I completed everything I wanted to get done.
Good Friday and Easter were just as difficult as I anticipated. Everything was about baby and pregnancy because most of my cousins either have kids or are pregnant. It made me so sad. However, I survived. I went through the motions and I survived. That's all I really have to say about it.
On Wednesday, I met with the preacher from the church I grew up going to. I was nervous talking to him, but I knew he would be understanding. He and his wife have suffered multiple losses and a failed adoption. I felt better after speaking with him because he reassured me that I am NORMAL. Even though I feel so insane sometimes, I am NORMAL. It was nice to have some reassurance.
I have a wedding that I have to go to this weekend without my husband because he has to stay in town for work, and the wedding is out of town. Pre-miscarriage this would have never been a problem. Post-miscarriage, I really depend on him to be there for me. I hate going to social functions without him. Sometimes I just need to lean on him. I am not looking forward to it:( Because the wedding is out of town, I am going to stay the night. My parents and sister are staying too. I think I've decided that I am not going to church on Sunday. Going to church on Mother's Day will be just too hard for me (especially without my husband). I hope God forgives me.
AF will be arriving any day now. I can feel it. Just ready for it to come and get it over with. I think I've decided for sure to wait one more cycle before calling my RE to get started on another ovulation medication. It will be so much easier for me to go in for ultrasounds and stuff in June when I will not be working. Because of where my RE is located I would have to leave work early or come in late to get the ultrasounds done. I'd rather not have anyone notice that. I don't want any expectations. It will also give me some more time to drop a few more pounds. I've stalled the last few weeks and I ate everything in sight this last week while I was off. Any comments or suggestions about me waiting until June would be greatly appreciated. I am always second guessing myself.
I really am excited to head back to work tomorrow. Only four more weeks until summer!
I say go with your gut. I always second guess myself and end up doing or wishing i'd have done what I said i was gonna do. Of course it sucks when AF show's up, but if you feel you should wait one more cycle then I say wait. Sending you ((HUGS)) and Love ;O)
ReplyDeleteHi sweet friend !
ReplyDeleteYou did so well to survive the Easter with pregnant relatives and children - its hard when you have to face it and cant avoid it ...
I am with you on your plan to wait until June .
I personally think its better you do a medicated cycle when you have as little stress as possible and being on summer holiday seems perfect time to start for me .
I too dont want anybody at work to know whats going on as I dont want to get any questions and the expectations you say .I try to schedual my appointments on days off if possible .
I took Femara to speed up the TTC proces and it worked very good for me . I found Femara MUCH better sideffect -wise than Clomid .With Clomid I got bad skin , moodswings and felt generally bad but with Femara I had almost no side effects .
If I was you I would TTC naturally this month and hope for the best and then if that doesnt work go to the ER in June ! Then you will be more relaxed when out of work and can focus more on yourself .
You have already lost some weight and I have read that its enough to loose 5-10 % of your weight in order to improve ovulation so hopefully it will work soon : )
I am thinking about you and keep wishing you good luck !
Keep hope and keep working on your lifestyle-changes ( Its ok to get off the diet for Easter as its a holiday after all but now you just have to start fresh again : )
Big Hugs Angie
Sweetest Friend,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that you will have to endure the wedding without your hubby, as I know what that feels like. Know that I will be with you in spirit lifting you up :)
As for the RE, I agree, schedule your cycle for June when you are on Summer break. You'll be less stressed, etc. Just call the clinic and talk with your nurse and make certain that you can cycle in June and that you don't need to come in this month for an pre-cycle testing or level checks...we don't want you to be held up in June. I am so FAITHFUL in your journey honey! I BELIEVE in what is to come for you. Take it from me, someone who had about a 2% chance of conceiving, MIRACLES DO HAPPEN! Your rainbow is just around the corner, I KNOW IT!!!
Much Love and thank you again for sending Lleyton all those precious books :)
xoxo