First, let me give a little background information. A few years ago for Christmas, a very good friend of mine from high school gave us a white board to put on our refrigerator to write one another notes and such. When we recieved this gift, he also asked us to write a dream we had for the upcoming year. Something personal that would be right there as a hidden reminder of hope. This was before we were married, so the hubby and I wrote "a happy beginning to our marriage". I had all but forgotten about writing on the back of that board. I don't believe I've looked at it since. This weekend while I was cleaning I moved the board to clean the fridge, and this is what I saw:
That's when I realized...he wants it just as much as I do. He truly does. I just think that he doesn't show his disappointment or frustration because he doesn't want to add any more pressure or anxiety to what I am already feeling. He doesn't show what he's feeling because he still sees how heartbroken and defeated I feel. He doesn't feel the physical pain and defeat I feel when AF arrives.
So, to answer the question I have asked myself a million times....YES, he does want it just as much as I do. He just doesn't show it in the same way. I love this man more than words can express. I am so thankful to have him in my life, especailly with all the trials we've been through. I just love him more today than I did the day we married two years ago, and I never thought that to be possible.
This post echos what I felt in my soul for so long. Unfortunately, men do not grieve each lost cycle "exactly" like we do. Instead, they try to provide strength for us and it often comes across as not caring or not wanting this as badly as we do. Its a sad dynamic, but one that many of us suffer or has suffered.
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy you found that beautiful message on your white board :) Cling to it when you feel as if you and hubby aren't on the same page.
Praying for your miracle! Sending love, hugs and strength.
xxx